I’m such a loser. Hold up. First of all, this is not a cry for help. I am not begging for affirmation from anyone. Not even myself.
The truth is I’m a fraud. I say I’m a writer, but when it comes to actually sitting down and writing, I find that those dishes really need washing. And the floor needs to be vacuumed, and the dog walked, and the pictures taken, and…
I think I’m a humble person, but give me the opportunity and I will judge someone in a second. Natural as breathing.
I procrastinate, fake, lie and claim offense at the smallest inconvenience. Guys, I gripe about my kids’ griping. “They are so ungrateful,” says the pot.
My patience is paper thin and my tongue razor sharp.
My daughter dropped a rather offensive word the other day… and she learned it from me.
Some people don’t like Christianity because it seems like a downer. You have to, like, admit that you are basically a loser. And not just sort of a loser- a helpless loser.
Way easier to just stand in front of a mirror multiple times a day and tell myself I am a good person. I’m in control. I’m whole and complete. Those things make me feel good. And when I feel good, I do good.
Except that I don’t. I can feel good and still slander, judge, gossip…
That’s because just because something makes me feel good, that doesn’t make it true. Not even close.
So yeah, I’m a loser and I thought that was holding me back. But here’s the good news:
That’s it. Everything about Him. His love, goodness, power, presence, mercy, kindness, strength, it’s all been showered on me. Given freely and generously.
Admitting our weakness isn’t the end of our story. God is.
What’s holding me back isn’t my opinion of myself. It’s my opinion of God. Sure I am not that smart in the big scheme of things. I don’t have any sense of fashion or decor. I am afraid of change and get bent out of shape over the dumbest crap. But that isn’t the end of my story. And it’s not the end of yours. God is.
So when everything hits the fan and you realize “Oh wait, I really don’t have control,” you can stop and say But God does.
“Oh wait, I’m not as good as I thought I was.” But God is still good.
“Oh wait, I am not a complete person.” I am made for community, but really I am made for God. He will make me whole.
It’s in that But God moment that you can receive His promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
What would the world look like if we all stopped pretending? The devil wants us to hide in the shadows, sit in our shame, invest our time in distractions. Garbage, all of it.
Or… we could imitate Paul and claim God’s victory: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9.)
The power of Christ resting on me? On us? Sounds way better than the fake junk, doesn’t it?
Lauren? Oh that girl is a mess. Basically a train wreck. But you should see what God is doing in her right now. He is showing her some serious love and patience. With His strength, she’s going to be just fine. Better even. She’s going be whole.
And so will you. We are messes, all of us. But God is so much bigger than all that, and He is here now. His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in your weakness. You are His and He is working mighty mighty things inside you and through you. Let’s bust the smoke and mirrors and boast in our God.
Photo credit: Chris Gonzalez